Staying focused

Well I’m back, not that I really went anywhere, but I had a bit of a break.  It wasn’t planned or anything, it wasn’t one of those things where people say “i have to stay away to take care of other things”, it was just that I got so caught up with other things that I either forgot, didn’t have time, and yes even couldn’t be bothered.

Its not that I don’t enjoy blogging, I do, thats what has kept me going this long.  Not that I’m a veteran blogger or anything, but I wouldnt have lasted as long as I have had I not gotten anything out of it.  Theres something about it that makes me reflect on my life in ways that I normally wouldn’t, and through doing so I learn things about myself that I wouldn’t normally, or at become more aware of them.

Over the past few days, prompted by a lovely sister who made me realise that somebody out there actually noticed my silence, I have been thinking about coming back.  I have to admit that part of me thought it might be best to stay away for good, it does take a fair bit of my time, time that could be spent better.  But in all honesty, if I ask myself what have I be doing with that time saved, late at night, when the kids are in bed ….Have I been organising things?  Have I been engaging in worship?  Have I been sleeping earlier to ensure my body is well rested?  Unfortunately it is none of the above, at least not on a regular basis.  I have been doing stuff. A little bit here, a little bit there, nothing to show for it.  At least with my blog I have something, a record of my thoughts and views, insight to how I will grow and change.  And insha’allah an avenue through which people can come to understand more about the life of an everyday muslimah.

The past few days have reminded me of something that I am reminded of time and again, my inability to stay focused on things.  When I was young I’d often hear about these teens who’s interests changed like the wind.  They were never focused, kept changing their minds, and wasted a whole heap of time and money through their ever changing pursuits.  Strangely enough I was not one of these teens.  I was quite well grounded as a teen.  I knew what I wanted, and I worked hard to achieve it.  Not that everything went according to plan, it never does, but I was very determined and very focused.

As far as I understand for most people this is a phase that ends around early adulthood.  However, for me, it seems quite the opposite.  I was fine as an adolescent, but over the past few years I have noticed that I lack focus.  Ok maybe I’m a little bit past the category of early adulthood, but you get the idea. My interest drifts from one thing to the other, every time I insist that this will be different and I’ll see it through…but everytime without fail I let myself down.  I’m not entirely sure why.  Have I changed?  Or is it circumstances that make it so difficult for me to see things through?  When I was younger it was easy.  My job was to wake up, eat, drink, and do whatever I wanted to do.  So it was easy to achiive what I wanted to, I mean what else was there for me to do?

But now its different.  I wake up…actually no I don’t even have that luxury anymore.  I am woken up by a baby who is either jumping on me or pulling my hair for about 15 minutes before I finally resign myself to the fact that I am not likely to get anymore sleep.  I then proceed to make the kids breakfast, get us all dressed and ready for wherever we have to go, usually school.  I come home and clean the kitchen, fold the washing, do more washing, clean and tidy, hang the washing out, prepare lunch, get my son from school, do homework, prepare dinner, showers, read to the kids, get them all off to bed.  It is seldom that I have some time to do something for myself.  Even picking up a book to read is a rare luxury when the kids are awake.  And by the time they head off to bed I am so exhausted that I just want to relax and do nothing.

So part of me can understand how I got here, but it doesn’t make it less frustrating.  There is so much I want to do, so much I am interested in, but so little time. But I often wonder, am I the only mother like this.  Often other mothers seem so together and so organised, but I have learnt that looks can be deceiving.  I know I should just cherish this time, my children will only be young once, and they grow up so fast, I should just saviour their childhoods.  And don’t get me wrong, I love it.  Seeing them grow and develop, I can’t begin to explain how beautiful this is, how it fills my heart with more love and joy than I thought possible.  But at the same time I wonder if I was just a little more organised, a little more focused, would I be able to see things through?

I think there are some small steps that I can easily take that I will look to do.  Firstly, I will note a couple of things I will like to acheive before the end of the year.  I will also look into GTD again, I have everything I need now so no excuses, I just have to find the book lol  And last but of course not least I will make dua for allah to bless my time and to help me with my organisation.

Hopefully this blog entry is not a one off, and I’ll be posting regularly again.

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8 responses to “Staying focused

  1. Assalaamu alaikum,

    Yay she’s back in blogland! 😀

    Sadly I can totally relate to the disorganisation and really need to kick myself into shape in that regard. 😕 What is GTD??

  2. Wa alaikum assalam,

    GTD is Getting Things Done, its basically a book which outlines a whole organisational system, cant remember the name of the author right now (suprise surprise lol) but i’ve referred to it elsewhere. It has quite a following, and heaps of online resources to help you along the way. It seems like the kind of system that could really help, but I just need to get stuck into it.

  3. Ahh, mashallah on realising that you need to bring yourself into focus.
    I suppose I’m one of those in focus but spiralling out of control personalities: I have an aim and list of what I want done in the next 5 years inshallah, but I feel like I’m out of control in how I’m organising myself..
    Don’t know if that’s making much sense but that’s how I feel at times.
    :/

  4. Asalaamu alaikum.

    “They were never focused, kept changing their minds, and wasted a whole heap of time and money through their ever changing pursuits.”

    Actually, this should not be referred to as a waste and is something that parents and educators should encourage. It is the opportunity to try different things and find what one really likes that matters. The reason it is typical in teenagers is because they are breaking away, discovering their own identities, figuring out what they want to do with themselves. It is necessary and healthy to explore different avenues, but not fair to expect them to stick with something that they don’t derive enjoyment from.

    Perhaps part of the reason you are experiencing this now is because you did not do it then. 🙂

    Also, once one has children, it is difficult to maintain organization because we want everything to be just so, but kids don’t work like that, LOL. It takes alot of effort and patience to get and stay organized and on-track, and it does have to do with prioritizing. But we also must realize that we have to leave room for spontaneity and to get off-track every now and again. This way we do not stagnate, and are able to add in new areas of focus and interest.

    It is also very important to give due respect to the moment we are in, to look for its blessings and lessons for us. This of course is easier said than done, but must be done. We live such a fast paced life now, we don’t take the time to appreciate what is right in front of us but are always grasping at something else elusive.

  5. HFM: Welcome, and dont worry, i know what you mean 😉

    Aaminah: Although I do agree with you to some degree, i think the lack of focus thing also has something to do with lack of discipline. Obviously it differs from person to person, and trying out new things is a part of growing up.

    I also think that part of my problem is not that I am discovering what I enjoy, but that I enjoy everything!! And its not a lack of enjoyment that causes me to stop pursuing things, its usually that I get so busy and caught up in life that it gets pushed aside, and then one day I remember and think ‘wasnt i meant to be doing so and so??’. Perhaps my memory problems play a part as well, but thats a whole blog post 😉

  6. Assalamu Alaikum,
    Indeed, most of us noticed your absence! I ocassionally check your blog to see whether you have updated and today I am pleased to see you have! 🙂
    I am quite young and after reading this entry, I realize how lucky I am that I just have to wake up, eat, drink, pray and do whatever I want. Heck, just a moment ago, I was thinking of killing time. Killing time…something that most people don’t have the luxury of. I do have things to do AND the time to do, but like you, even I am not focused.
    I usually don’t comment on people’s blogs, but in yours, not only have I commented, I have commented long!

  7. Cool post, maybe you dream fof writters?
    ___________________________________

    Sry, hehe))

  8. Sorry…i didnt quite get that

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