Bismillahi ir-rahman ir-rahim – In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful
My son is only five, but every now and then he’ll come up with something that will truly amaze me.
Yesterday I overheard him speaking to my husband in the other room when he said to him “be what you want to be in your life”. I wondered where he found such wise words. I was proud that he had once again demonstrated that he had an understanding of things which are way beyond his years. And I was proud because I knew he realised that to be truly happy you needed to be true to yourself. I hoped that understanding this concept from such a young age would make it easier for him to resist the pressures that cause one to stray away from who you are – to move away from being what you want to be in your life. Most of all I hoped that it would enable him to stand firm in his faith, and never waver or flinch in his devotion to Allah.
I then asked myself if I had succeeded in this task, am I what I want to be in my life? I don’t think there is an easy answer to this question. Its not black and white, and I felt like I was a shade of grey. I am generally happy with where I am at, I am happy with my place in life, as a Muslimah and servant to her lord, a mother raising her children, a wife, a child, a sister, a friend. They are all roles I enjoy and I thank Allah for the blessings and the opportunity to play each and every one of them. The grey comes in with how I fulfil my roles, unfortunately I dont even come close to meeting my expections.
As a Muslimah there is so much that I should be doing that I dont. I was reflecting the other day on how I do things for my children that I didnt do for myself, because I want them to be better than me. When I had children I suddenly had this immense pressure to learn things that I never got around to learning so I could teach it to them. That is all good and well, but for the first time in my life I asked myself why didn’t I do them for the sake of Allah?? It had never occured to me before. I thought that I was being a good mother by putting my children’s needs ahead of my own needs. But where did that leave me as an muslimah? I felt so ashamed. Its amazing what looking at things from a different perspective can do. Its taken me all this time but I finally realised that it wasn’t me that I was neglecting…it was Allah. This realisation made me determined to do more things for myself, for the sake of Allah.
And its not only my role as a Muslimah that I feel I am not adequately fulfilling. As a mother I know I could give my children more. A more organised house, a more solid routine, more time to relax and play with. As a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend…I have so much more to give but always have excuses. Not enough time, I’m too busy, I’m too tired, not enough energy, I have my hands full with the kids….these are all true, but deep down I know I can do better.
So I sat there content with the thoughts of my son and with a new found determination to get my act together, improve myself, give what I can give, be the best I can be and be what I want to be in my life. I decided to get up and investigate to find out how it came to be and why my five year old son was telling my husband these wise words….
…I discovered it was some friendly advice on who my husband should chose to play as in the computer game they were playing. Oh well…I guess I should just take the good out of the situation, and the reminder that in future I should abstain from reading too much into the words of a five year old, even if he is my son.