Guilty before proven innocent

Bismillahi ir-rahman ir-rahim - In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful

While shopping today I exited a shop while carrying a shopping bag with a couple of books that I purchased at the bookstore a few doors down.  I noticed the lady standing at the door.  Its funny, I often think of her as having a customer service role - to smile, answer questions and just be lovely.  But shopping with a shopping bag changes everything.  You are no longer just a casual shopper, you are a potential thief.  Actually, no…you are a thief!  Until you can prove otherwise, that is.

As I exited the doors with my bags I was aware of my current status.  I was also aware of the customer service come security lady at the door, but I didn’t want to show her my bag.  Not because I had anything to hide, but because I was tired, I couldn’t be bothered, and I had to walk across the other side of the store to show her, so I did what anybody else would do in that situation, I avoided eye contact.  I could see her from the corner of my eye coming towards me, so I bit the bullet as she asked if she could check my bag.  I smiled politely and obliged, opening my bag for her to see all its contents. She thanked me, and life went on.

I walked away thinking about this, how I smiled and politely showed her the contents of my bag.  How I allowed her to invade my privacy, allowed her to accuse me of stealing, and didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at her.  Why do we allow ourselves to be treated like this??  If it were in any other situation we would never allow it.  Could you imagine…you visit somebody in their home, and as you leave they smile and say “would you mind if I had a look in your bag before you leave?”.  You’d be fuming!!  But for some reason in this context its ok.  Why? Because its always been like this, we don’t even give it a second thought.

Yes, I know, theres a lot more to it than that.  For the most part people can’t decide who does and doesn’t visit their store.  And people DO steal, probably a lot more than I would like to believe.  But why should that make it ok for me to be treated like a criminal?  Does the actions of a few bad apples justify the assumption of guilty until proven innocent for all of us?

I remember as a teenager being in a shop with some friends, when a staff member waited for me at the front of the store asking to search my bags.  Till this day I have never seen such a thorough search, they were very determined to find something.  It was as if they had decided my guilt when they saw me, and now it was just a matter of confirming it.  And when they didn’t find anything they seemed quite upset about it!

Now I understand that people have to protect their investment, but surely by now we have the ability to do this in a better way.  We have cameras at every corner, unpurchased objects to beep upon exit, and even contraptions attached to garments that can not be removed without damaging them…yet we still feel the need to hold onto this degrading practice.

When will demeaning practice stop and allow us to shop again with our dignity?

Consumerism at its best

Bismillahi ir-rahman ir-rahim - In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful

I have recently noticed something.  Something I am somewhat ashamed to admit, but something I need to be honest about.  I love spending money.  I don’t know why I love spending money, but there’s something about it…the excitement of a bargain, the smell of new things, the ability to go into a shop and take away whatever goodies I desire…I really can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, there’s just something about it that I find quite exciting.  I never really noticed this before.  I always knew I enjoyed shopping, but it took a shopping drought for me to notice exactly how much.  I didn’t buy anything other than groceries for about a month, and then visited a local shopping center, and I’m embarrassed to admit I found it somewhat exhilarating.

I should probably point out here that I’m not a huge spender or anything.  I can imagine you’re probably all thinking I just go throwing wads of money away on nothing, on the contrary I am quite careful with my money, and even my husband says I’m “pretty good” with money.  I look for bargains, rarely buy myself clothes, buy the kids discounted clothes at the end of the season for next year, and talk myself out of numerous purchases that we don’t really need.  I do, however, sometimes indulge a little more than I should, and I know I can do better.  So its not that I find my love of shopping troublesome in any way, its just that on a personal and spiritual level I find it quite disturbing.

What I find equally, or perhaps even more disturbing is another discovery I made about myself, today actually.  I love throwing things out!!  There’s something empowering about getting rid of objects, objects that you no longer need, and more often than not, you never did.  Objects that just sit around taking up precious space, making it harder for you to clean and tidy based on the overwhelming amount of things that you have.  Knowing that with each thing you get rid of you have created more space for yourself and made your life that little bit more easy. Today alone I got rid of approximately 3 garbage bags full just from the linen closet, and I still haven’t touched 2 shelves!  All that stuff has been with me for years, it has move with us 2-3 times, most of it I have never used.  Some will go to my parents, other stuff isn’t even worth passing on, but all of it will be gone from my possession, I just don’t need it cluttering up my house anymore.  And I have to say the more I get rid of, the better it feels!  As I declutter more and get rid of more things I can feel a weight lift from my shoulders.

Upon reflection I realised that this is part of what we have become today - the consumer.  We love to buy and obtain more and more material possessions.  The next bargain, the next breakthrough in technology, the next fashion item, and the latest gadget to teach our children.  Then, over the years, we realise we have accumulated so much that it becomes suffocating.  Subsequently,  we go through the cleansing process of eliminating that which we do not need.  We throw out what is not worthy of keeping, ‘blessing’ others with what is no longer of any value to ourselves and that others may find useful.  Of course this then makes room for more possessions and the cycle begins all over again.

How do you break free of the cycle?  I am not entirely sure.  However, I do have some ideas which I hope helps to partially remove me from the cycle, or at least weaken its effect.  The first step is being aware of this phenomena and writing this piece is a part of that process.  I know its become a cliche, but I really do believe that “the first step to a solution is acknowledging the problem”.   Before making any purchases I will ask myself “do I REALLY need this or will it just end up in a garbage bag, as so many things have before?”  “Is purchasing this akin to throwing money down the drain?”.  Insha’allah (God willing) this will help me to avoid useless purchases and keep me on track.

The second thing I plan to implement is to focus on quality instead of quantity or price.  I remember when I first got married I needed so many things so I just tried to get them as cheaply as I could.  Not having experience with buying many of these things, I couldn’t tell the difference between a cheap item and something that appeared to be the same, served the same function, but which had a price tag which was a few times higher than the cheaper item.  So naturally I would purchase the cheaper item.  It didn’t take me too long to discover that those cheaper sheets were cheaper for a reason!  They would pill and were horribly uncomfortable to sleep on.  I have learnt my lesson and now I try to only purchase good quality things.  They cost more in the short term, but you save in the long run.  You save money when you don’t need to constantly replace things, you save the clutter of having extra things laying around that you no longer use, you save the time and energy you spend having to go back and look for things to purchase all over again, and you save on the resources you have depleted by using twice as much of the same thing.  Now I don’t mind paying the extra money for something I know will be good quality and will last.  It makes it so much easier in the long run, and limits my role in this vicious cycle.

I doubt the results will be instant, but I do hope that within a year or two I notice a difference. Hopefully I will be purchasing less and throwing out less.  I don’t expect that I will ever cease to be a consumer, but I do hope that my role as one will become increasingly limited and that I can learn to live more simply.

My little friends

Bismillahi ir-rahman ir-rahim - In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful

I first noticed it as a child.  I’m not sure exactly how old I was, five…maybe ten years old.  I recall just laying outside and watching them float down in front of me, as if its gliding through the air.  I was mesmorised by the power I had over them, all I had to do was look up, and they would start to glide upwards…then slowly again drifting down as they lost momentum.  I could control them with the movement of an eye.  It was intriguing, not a strong power and not one that was extraordinary, but to a child it was whatever I wanted it to be and I found it fascinating. I often wondered if others possessed it as well, was I ’special’, or was something wrong with me?  I never did get around to asking anybody, I’m not sure if its because I didn’t think it significant enough, I forgot, or perhaps because I thought I’d just get a funny condescending look like I should probably be institutionalised.  I think the real reason is that because it was unknown -  It was mysterious and enchanting, but had I found out that it was something we all had it would have just been…well, normal.

Unlike most childhood observations this is one that I still clearly remember.  Not because it was remarkable or particularly memorable in any way, in fact quite the contrary, I often forgot about my little friends.  Instead it was because every now and then I would be reminded about them.  I wouldn’t do anything special, all I had to do is lay there and gaze off into the distance with a well lit background and suddenly they would appear.

As I get older I find that my little friends don’t visit as much anymore.  Or rather it is I that don’t extend the invitation.  First there was school, then there was uni, then marriage, and now kids.  Its extremely rare that I get a chance to just lay down and relax and stare into light filled nothing.  Then, on the rare occasions that they do appear,  I think to myself ‘its been so long I almost forgot you even existed’.

I’m not sure if I can really explain what they are.  They are marks of some kind that appear before me.  They seem to be entrenched in the fluid surrounding my eyes, or at least that’s what it seems like.  The best way I can describe their colour is to say that they are a transparent black.  I have always assumed that everybody, or at least a good percentage of people have them.  As I am writing this I just notice them gliding down my monitor, reminding me that they are always with me but it is I who is too busy to pay them any attention, or even notice their existence.  I find it fascinating that they are always there, always right before my very eyes like nothing else is, closer than anything else I can see, yet so close that I no longer even perceive them.  Its like they have become so much a part of me I no longer realise they are there.  I guess its kinda like wearing hijab, before you wear it you wonder how you can have this cloth around your face.  Wouldn’t it feel weird? Be uncomfortable?  However, after a while it becomes so much a part of you, you no longer even notice the fabric up against your cheeks.

So I wonder, does anybody know who my little friends are who have fascinated me for so long?  Are they normal?  Do they have a name?  Or am I just completely insane??  If you are reading this and you know anything about what I’m talking about please let me know, and likewise if you think I’m completely insane feel free to tell me, i think after all these years I need to know the truth

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Edited to add:  Thanks to Fatima and her ingenious google skills I now know what they are!  They are “floaters“ or “benign floaters” or “vitreous floaters“. They’re basically floaty things in your eyes, and others suffer from them, but not everybody…so if you read the post thinking I was absolutely crazy, this proves I’m not!  At least not in regards to this anyhow.